Otherwise They End Up Like Me

[Queenie]

Queenie leaned against a street lamp, looking sadly towards the direction of the Lodging House. Today she was sixteen, but she felt bad. Horrible. She never tried to be crazy, she just heard voices in her head. This made her feel like she was alone. The voices weren't bad, they just never shut up sometimes. Queenie wasn't a saint, she had hurt people, and not just for self defense. She was like any other leader or newsie, anger was normal. She couldn't safe everyone, and she couldn't be anyone, she could only be crazy Bronx Queenie.

Most thought that she called herself crazy because it was true, but that was all started by the old leader. She only started calling herself crazy as a defense mechanism. Queenie didn't want her kids to end up like her. They weren't crazy, they were just hyper, which was no reason for anyone to want to call them that. Bronxies were outside thinkers, creative, she took them in because no one else wanted them. They weren't outcasts, just creative. And most people couldn't handle that. They couldn't handle that somewhere, out there, someone was different.

She heard someone behind her, and by now a few tears were running down her cheek. "You know," she said, almost to herself or to the person behind her, "Most of those Bronx newsies, they live awful lifes. No one wants them and you know what? They need better ones, otherwise-" she choked up, thinking of little Robin, who looked at her like she was the greatest thing in the world, "Otherwise they end up like me."

[Tootsie]

Tootsie

Tootsie stalked the streets of Bronx. She was getting a grip on her responsibilities as the second in command of Bronx. Tootsie was rarely serious, but a feeling of sobriety sat over her as she walked in the shadowing streets. She knew it was something important supposed ot happen today, but her mind was swimming with thoughts. And there was one primary one sort of haunting her.

Where the hell was Queenie?

Seriously. Bronxies were crazy, but Queenie was the duct tape to their torn up couch. The ink to their newspapers. She would have gone with someone to look for Queenie, but with who. That Street kid, she was sweet, but too new to frighten her with this concept. Robin was too little, she'd start crying if they couldn't find her. Eddie would just spaz out on her, and Gunner would distract her, and the same applied with Cat. She was in the mood to be all alone anyway.

That is, alone with Queenie. She had learned so much from Queenie. How to be crazy. Wacky. Nutty. She loved Queenie. Everyone did. The Bronxies took pride in their leader. She was the Statue of Liberty for them, and people talked to her for advice. Bronxies loved being crazy and Queenie the way Brookies loved being tough and Spot. The way Tootsie loved Bear. She need Queenie to show up.

And she did. she saw the outline of her faithful leader, and she glided over the way Queenie did, in how she thought was a silent way. But she heard Queenie begin to speak, and she hung her head in shame and disappointment. She had always wanted to be like Queenie. She probably never could.

"You know. Most of those Bronx newsies, they live awful lifes. No one wants them and you know what? They need better ones, otherwise- Otherwise they end up like me."


"Queenie." She whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder. "What is ya talking about. We... We love ya. We live the best lives we've ever had. You're our savior Queenie. What's wrong."

[Queenie]

[bQueenie." "What is ya talking about. We... We love ya. We live the best lives we've ever had. You're our savior Queenie. What's wrong."

"It's just," she wiped away her tears quickly, "People think you guys are crazy, and your not. Crazy is when you hear voices in your head, or see things that aren't there. You guys aren't crazy, I am. And Robin... I'm afraid she's gonna be just like me." Queenie normally wasn't an emotional girl, but this was important. All the Bronxies looked up to her, and it was just too much. They shouldn't look up to her at all. Not at all.

"You guys shouldn't look up to me." that was all she could say. Queenie felt crummy, and today, of all days, she had to feel crummy. Today she was sixteen but she felt older. The voices in her head kept telling how she shouldn't feel bad, and before she could control herself she said outloud, "Just shut up and leave me alone." she turned to Tootsie immediately, "Not you," she groaned, "Just... Something else. Ok? I have issues."

[Tootsie]

"People think you guys are crazy, and your not. Crazy is when you hear voices in your head, or see things that aren't there. You guys aren't crazy, I am. And Robin... I'm afraid she's gonna be just like me. You guys shouldn't look up to me."

Tootsie felt a bit of pain in the bottom of her stomach. No. She was crazy right? Because if she wasn't crazy, how could she be a Bronxie? To be crazy was to be a Bronxie. And if she wasn't a Bronxie, where did she belong? Who was her family if it wasn't the rest of crazy Bronx. Who?

"Maybe your right Queenie. Maybe ya are crazy, but that's no reason to say that we shouldn't look up to you." She moved closer to Queenie, her hand still on her shoulder. "You are just thinking about one part of Queenie. Your real smart too! Smartest of all the leaders. You made the chess board that no one but you can read. And Queenie... Why everyone looks up to you. And Robin is right to want to be like you. Heck, I bet stupid Spot Conlon wishes that he was smart as you." She crossed herself quickl. "I hope none his spies were here to hear that." She smiled at Queenie gently, and she opened her mouth to say more, but the Queenie began to talk.

"Just shut up and leave me alone."

Tootsie was a bit taken aback. Queenie was not a violent leader. She did not tell people to shut up. Maybe she just needed her space. She took a step back. "Ok." But then Queenie spoke again.

"Not you, just... Something else. Ok? I have issues."

"Queenie, everybody has issues. Yourself make you smart, creative, powerful, persuasive Queenie. Mine make me flirty, silly, violent, snappy, Tootsie." She paused. "What would even make oyu think that. Queenie, we love ya."

[Queenie]

"Maybe your right Queenie. Maybe ya are crazy, but that's no reason to say that we shouldn't look up to you."

Queenie sighed, "Tootsie there's a difference between your crazy and mine. Medically, I am considered crazy, I hear voices in my head because of something called schizophenia. You guys are just hyper, and think outside the box." That was the difference. Unlike them, she belonged in an asylum, hearing voices in your head made you medically unstable, so who knew what she could do, if she listened to the voices in her head at times when she shouldnt.

"You are just thinking about one part of Queenie. Your real smart too! Smartest of all the leaders. You made the chess board that no one but you can read. And Queenie... Why everyone looks up to you. And Robin is right to want to be like you. Heck, I bet stupid Spot Conlon wishes that he was smart as you. I hope none his spies were here to hear that."

She smiled at Tootsie, "Thanks. But I don't want to be like Spot Conlon, you guys wouldn't deserve that. And Robin... I dont think it'd be wise if she was medically crazy like I am, but I think she should be smart." It was nice talking to Tootsie, she was practically her best friend. Queenie decided a long time ago she'd try to not pick favorites, instead try and become a friend or mentor to her newsies. Whatever was needed first. Who knew, but oh well.

"What would even make oyu think that. Queenie, we love ya."

"I'm mentally crazy, I think a lot of things," she smiled at Tootsie, "I love you guys too. I may not be an orphan, but I am a runaway, so in a way I kind of understand you guys, but I think my parents might be dead after a while. Who knows anymore. Arizona's a long way from here." Queenie never really talked about Arizona, but it was a nice place, until she left. After that she just never paid any mind to her old state, where you ranched or sold goods, depending on where you lived. Most of the ranch work was boring anyway, besides the occassional lose of cattle or a horse, but that was it for the fun factor.