pretending he's beside me {open}

[Amy Hamilton]

Amy sat on the bridge, letting her bare feet dangle off it, her shoes were next to her. She was just watching the water, listening to it churn beneath her. The sky was almost as dark as the water, it was the time of day where it wasn't dark enough to be night, but not light enough to be day. She liked it. Amy wasn't darkness' biggest fan, darkness made her think of Daniel for some reason. It reminded her of her daughter, who was born at night. She stared off into space, thinking about her past.

What if she had kept her child? She wouldn't have been happy, that's for sure. No baby wanted to live on the streets, sleeping in crates, eating garbage, life wouldn't have been good for them. She could barely take care of herself, how could she have taken care of a baby? If only if Daniel had stayed, they could have been the perfect family. Perfect couple with their perfect child. She couldn't help but smile at the mental picture as her fingers crept up to grab the necklace around her neck. She often did that whenever she thought about what could have been.

Their little family would have made everyone jealous, they would all want what she had. And of course, her and Daniel would have had more children. At least four. She always knew she wanted to be a mother. It was a strange feeling to know that she was... she just didn't have the baby to prove it. Amy wished that she did though. She wondered who her baby would look like, if she would look like her or Daniel.

She sighed softly. She wondered if Daniel would ever come back to her. If he didn't, would she be able to find love again? The love her and Daniel had seemed indestructible. Obviously it wasn't, but she wondered if she would ever find love again. She still loved Daniel so much, how could she ever love again?

[Deliverance Chevalier]

Deliverance hurried along the sidewalk, seeing the people she passed, but not really. She was on a mission. She carried the last few newspapers under her left arm, clutched close to her bodice. On her right arm, she carried a basket fully of freshly laundered clothes. They smelled wonderful, thanks to the type of soap she had used. The woman would be pleased. Maybe pleased enough to but her last paper.

She heard the change of sound in her footsteps that meant she was now on the bridge. She shivered, a slight breeze had suddenly picked up and she adjusted her shawl and continued. Deliverance had never had paid much attention to her surroundings, so she did not know she was not alone until she bumped into someone. She looked down, a woman was sitting on the floor. Deliverance was shocked. "Oh, excuse me." She said, curtysing. After all, she had been taught to respect anyone, especially if white.

Back in New Orleans, any white woman could have a woman like her whipped for no reason. She did not know if these laws held true in New York, but she was not going to take the chance. She took a step back respectfully, intending to walk around her and continue on her way to the rich woman's house, but something made her say boldly, "I did not see you there. Maybe you should stand..." Then he bowed her head, waiting for what would come.

She waited patiently, her light blue dress standing out in the dim light, her maroon shawl around her shoulders contrasted sharply with her dark hair and skin. Her skinned looked forever tanned, it was a gift from her mother.

[Amy Hamilton]

Amy barely even noticed when Deliverance bumped into her. She just moved, she didn't look up, and she held on to her necklace. Her eyes were still fixed on the water, and she was years away in thoughts at the moment. Something that always crossed her mind was where she would be in a few years. She never thought she would end up alone in an unfamiliar city and already a mother at seventeen.

"I did not see you there. Maybe you should stand..."

When she spoke, it broke Amy's trance. She still didn't look up from the water, she just shook her head slowly. "I don't want to stand." She said, "I want to remain sitting. I think better when I'm sitting." She tucked a lock of her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear with her free hand.

She felt the girl's gaze on her and she slowly looked up, her eyes were still a little swollen from when she was crying earlier. She didn't say anything, but watched the girl, observing her.

[Deliverance Chevalier]

Deliverance was slightly scared when the woman did not respond at first. She just sat there and stared off into space. Only when Liv spoke again did the woman move and speak and act like a human being. Liv found her kind of blunt and slightly rude, then again, Liv was use to the overly polite Southerners and not to the busy, fast paced New Yorkers. "Then sit." Liv replied gently, concerned by the woman's attitude.

Deliverance knelt, her dress rustling quietly as she did so. She arranged her dress almost obsessively, enjoying watching her light brown hands dance across her lap. Then she looked up at the beautiful woman shyly. "What... What are you tinkin' about?" Liv asked, her New Orleans accent creeping into her speech. It was a mixture of English, and French Creole.

Then the woman looked up and Liv saw her eyes were red. She bit her lip, unsure of how to proceed. She then leaned over and hugged the other woman very briefly, with little pressure. Just enough to let the woman know she was there. "I tink I might should leave..." Liv murmured, the South weaving through her words. "But... I don't really want to. Whoever's been mean to you... You need to talk about it, darlin'. It's better if you do." Liv said quietly, playing with the ends of her shawl. "'Least that's what my daddy's wife use to say."

[Amy Hamilton]

"Then sit."

That struck Amy as odd, the young lady who she was speaking too didn't seem to be from New York. She had an accent, that was her first clue, the second was how she acted. Any true New Yorker would have fought Amy, giving her every reason why she should stand up. This girl was polite, and didn't argue with her.

"What... What are you tinkin' about?"

Tears filled her eyes again as Amy shook her head, her reddish blonde curls bounced. She didn't want to tell a stranger she barely knew all of her problems. Why would she care? No one cared about Amy, her own family stopped caring. The man she thought loved her stopped caring. So why would a stranger care?

"I tink I might should leave...But... I don't really want to. Whoever's been mean to you... You need to talk about it, darlin'. It's better if you do. 'Least that's what my daddy's wife use to say."

When the other lady hugged Amy, she choked back sobs. She was truly touched by the stranger's kindness. Kindness was something she hadn't seen in a long, long time. She was afraid if she told her what was wrong, the young lady would judge her. That was something she didn't need, but if someone could express so much kindness in just a few minutes, could they really be cruel enough to judge her on her past actions? Amy wiped the tears away from underneath her eyes and looked at the other lady. "My..." She trailed off, shaking her head, "I don't even know what to call him. He's not my husband, although he promised he would marry me, he...he left me not too long ago. He left me when I was three months pregnant with my daughter." She sniffed, trying to control her emotions. "At the time, I was so grief stricken, I wasn't thinking straight, and I didn't want anything that reminded me of him. So I gave up my daughter as soon as she was born." She took a deep breath, "I miss her so much..." She whispered, "I miss him so much. I don't even know what to do with myself now."

[Deliverance Chevalier]

Deliverance was scared by the fact that the woman started to cry. Liv rocked back on her heels and bit her bottom lip. "I-I'm sorry." She murmured. "Don't mean to make you cry." She said, but it was useless. She realized the woman was crying for another reason. Liv handed her a hankerchief. "Here honeybunch, dry yer tears dere." She cooed, gently dabbing at the woman's cheeks.

Deliverance listened to the woman's story attentively. She nodded, she knew exactly what the woman was saying. She had seen it many times. Liv settled herself comfortably on the ground, handing the woman her hankerchief and then she began to study her hands, trying to think of what to say. Then she squared her shoulders and looked the woman in the eyes. "My mama used to tell me everytink. Absolutely everytink." Liv said. "My mama never tried to lie to me and say dat my daddy was a black man or my daddy was dead. She told me my daddy was a white man who was married to a white woman. And she told me dat maybe in the future, he would not want me. He would reject me." Liv smiled. "And I was okay with dat, because I knew he loved me. Somewhere, I knew. Just knew."

Liv patted the woman's hand. "I knew chil'ren who were pulled out of der mama's carriages and beaten in da streets by der daddy's wives. I knew chil'ren who were hung from trees. I knew chil'ren who were killed and no one did anytink about it. My brother was one of dem." Liv looked down, but almost immediately looked back at her. "But dey all knew sometink. Dey all knew why dose women did dat. No one told dem, but dey knew." Liv looked at her. "You know what dey knew? Dat der daddy's loved dem... And dat's why dose women did dat. Because der daddy's love dem and dose women could not stop 'em."

Liv's eyes turned intense. "Do you understand what I'm tryin' to say? I'm sayin' dat no matter where your daughter is, she knows you love her. She don't know how she knows, or why she knows, she just does. I'm gonna tell you sometink my mama always told me. 'It's never too late to get involved'." Deliverance nodded.

"You can always find her. Even if you don't know where she is, you can find her. Mama's can always find der babies, if dey want. My mama found my in the bayou before the dogs even picked up me scent." She smiled. "I liked to wander away when I was younger." She laughed.

[Amy Hamilton]

"Here honeybunch, dry yer tears dere."

Amy sniffed and nodded, taking the handkerchief and wiping the tears off her face. She still couldn't get over the initial shock of the girl's kindness. It wasn't something she saw everyday. She wasn't complaining, it was just a nice change of pace.

She listened to her, nodding every now and then. She had never met anyone like this girl. Amy had lived in a small town all her life, she talked to the same, boring people day in and day out. Even when she first moved to the city the only people she talked to were Daniel, and a few doctors and nurses. That was really about it. It was refreshing to talk to someone so interesting.

She felt bad for the girl, having to experience all of that. She could never imagine it. She wouldn't be able to live through it and be able to smile. Amy admired the girl for that.

"Do you understand what I'm tryin' to say? I'm sayin' dat no matter where your daughter is, she knows you love her. She don't know how she knows, or why she knows, she just does. I'm gonna tell you sometink my mama always told me. 'It's never too late to get involved'."

Amy nodded, "I do understand." She said quietly, hoping the girl was right. She hoped that her daughter would always know she loved her, she just couldn't handle being a mother, that's why she gave her up.

"You can always find her. Even if you don't know where she is, you can find her. Mama's can always find der babies, if dey want. My mama found my in the bayou before the dogs even picked up me scent."

A genuine smile crossed Amy's face. "You really think I could find her? I-I want to, but I'm homeless. I don't have anywhere to live, and that's not fair to make a child suffer because of my mistakes." She said.